After all our conversations about drinking, I love this reflection you've written. You really capture and articulated so many feelings I've had both when I reflected on my drinking habits and also once I quit. Thank you for sharing your story, this was such a great essay!
Thanks Michelle. :) This essay helped me realise I didn't need to quit cold turkey. I just needed to ensure I stayed off drink when I was experiencing the discomfort of not drinking. So now I typically avoid drinking when I'm anxious and need the beverage as a crutch, and I will do maybe a glass of wine occasionally... like when my body is completely at rest and relaxed and doesn't *need* the alcohol to hold itself together. Been meaning to share that with you, and especially after I saw your habits needn't be binaries essay!
Hahaha thank you! It is more my aspirational beverage of choice because chocolate like caffeine and alcohol seem to get me all wired up. :D Thank you for reading Kelly!
I resonate with so much of what you talk about this essay. Such a powerful piece and one I'm sure I'm gonna come back to because this is something I've been struggling with - I've quit alcohol 2 times in the last 6 months!
Love this line especially : In the discomfort of not drinking is a rare opening to experience presence - the way to straddle the line of living as life happens to me.
Thanks Trisha :)) I've not been super militant about quitting as I was telling Michelle in comments earlier. My approach has been to check in with my body in full honesty - if I'm even a slight bit anxious or uncomfortable, I don't drink because I don't want the drink to be the crutch. But if I'm absolutely at ease, comfortable in my skin, at a full state of rest, I don't deny myself the occasional glass of wine. It's happened twice since I quit. :)
Good luck, on your experiments with changing your relationship to alcohol. I'm here if you'd like to chat about it anytime, passing forward what Michelle offered me. :)
I love how you delve into difficult topics with such honesty and vulnerability.
Having a complicated relationship with alcohol myself, reading this clarifies many feelings around it that I have, and can completely relate with the fact that it brings a very peculiar discomfort.
I'm happy you're doing this process with such presence and awareness, because we're the receivers of your insights, and mostly I wish the best of luck in this process!
Thank you Oscar. I appreciate the support you always offer when I write an essay that feels like I had to rip my insides out to bear my heart and yet not turn it into some kind of journal entry. I am glad there was something you found you can relate to as well. <3
What I love about this article is it's demonstration of how to enter and tolerate a liminal space. It takes so much presence and courage to let go of old reference points, whether they're points of views, a personal identity, or a habit and then allow the transition to whatever is next to arrive slowly, through a fog of patience. Humans hate ambiguity, but to walk into it and bear it is a core competency of growth, and you are beautifully demonstrating it in this article. It's also an indirect testimony to the value of writing, which I think helps us navigate the unknown.
I am thinking courage may just be a tolerance of discomfort, now that I've read your comment. Because I sure as hell didn't feel valiant or patient that night, I felt like I was enduring utter discomfort moment to moment through a thick fog but without fog-lamps!
Thank you Rick, boy if I ever become a writer some day - I'll have a lot to say about the super thoughtful comments you always left on my essays.
When I read this, it’s like a demonstration of how to master an asana. With patience, presence and tuning in to what’s going on inside of you. A beautiful story, beautifully shared.
Thank you Eric, I appreciate this comment so much. I think of asana mastery in much the same way. And I think that's the reason my asana practice has been such a perfect allegory for life.
Thank you for your encouragement on this piece. Writing vulnerable essays always feels exhausting, and to find that folks like you have stopped by to say something thoughtful makes it less hard. :)
Wow. Such a powerful Piece Malavika. Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable story. It gave me goosebumps. The point of being present - its so powerful. I have been thinking myself - am I living my life as a distraction from the pain of uncontrollable stuff that destiny conferred upon me? When would I reconcile with life and agree to its gifts given to me, howsoever white-elephantish they seem to be.
Thank you Charu! I think about this a lot. Are we just numbing ourselves from the real stuff that we need to confront, hopping along from one distracting accomplishment to another, setting our sights on one shiny object after another? Writing forces us to reckon with the stuff we can otherwise coast through, though, in my experience at least.
Thanks for reading and for stopping to comment Charu. I appreciate you. <3
I teach a group of amateur radio operators, and one of them had asked about alcohol-free drinks, so I had been researching mocktails. I can relate to feeling uncomfortable without wearing a drink along with my clothes.
After all our conversations about drinking, I love this reflection you've written. You really capture and articulated so many feelings I've had both when I reflected on my drinking habits and also once I quit. Thank you for sharing your story, this was such a great essay!
Thanks Michelle. :) This essay helped me realise I didn't need to quit cold turkey. I just needed to ensure I stayed off drink when I was experiencing the discomfort of not drinking. So now I typically avoid drinking when I'm anxious and need the beverage as a crutch, and I will do maybe a glass of wine occasionally... like when my body is completely at rest and relaxed and doesn't *need* the alcohol to hold itself together. Been meaning to share that with you, and especially after I saw your habits needn't be binaries essay!
Love your new beverage of choice. Thank you for sharing this story <3
Hahaha thank you! It is more my aspirational beverage of choice because chocolate like caffeine and alcohol seem to get me all wired up. :D Thank you for reading Kelly!
I resonate with so much of what you talk about this essay. Such a powerful piece and one I'm sure I'm gonna come back to because this is something I've been struggling with - I've quit alcohol 2 times in the last 6 months!
Love this line especially : In the discomfort of not drinking is a rare opening to experience presence - the way to straddle the line of living as life happens to me.
Thanks Trisha :)) I've not been super militant about quitting as I was telling Michelle in comments earlier. My approach has been to check in with my body in full honesty - if I'm even a slight bit anxious or uncomfortable, I don't drink because I don't want the drink to be the crutch. But if I'm absolutely at ease, comfortable in my skin, at a full state of rest, I don't deny myself the occasional glass of wine. It's happened twice since I quit. :)
Good luck, on your experiments with changing your relationship to alcohol. I'm here if you'd like to chat about it anytime, passing forward what Michelle offered me. :)
I love how you delve into difficult topics with such honesty and vulnerability.
Having a complicated relationship with alcohol myself, reading this clarifies many feelings around it that I have, and can completely relate with the fact that it brings a very peculiar discomfort.
I'm happy you're doing this process with such presence and awareness, because we're the receivers of your insights, and mostly I wish the best of luck in this process!
Thank you Oscar. I appreciate the support you always offer when I write an essay that feels like I had to rip my insides out to bear my heart and yet not turn it into some kind of journal entry. I am glad there was something you found you can relate to as well. <3
Kudos on day 45..!! "I didn’t have good answers for ‘why drink’, I don’t have good answers for ‘why quit’ either." can relate to this so much.
Thank you Shubham!! :) I appreciate you stopping by to read!
What I love about this article is it's demonstration of how to enter and tolerate a liminal space. It takes so much presence and courage to let go of old reference points, whether they're points of views, a personal identity, or a habit and then allow the transition to whatever is next to arrive slowly, through a fog of patience. Humans hate ambiguity, but to walk into it and bear it is a core competency of growth, and you are beautifully demonstrating it in this article. It's also an indirect testimony to the value of writing, which I think helps us navigate the unknown.
I am thinking courage may just be a tolerance of discomfort, now that I've read your comment. Because I sure as hell didn't feel valiant or patient that night, I felt like I was enduring utter discomfort moment to moment through a thick fog but without fog-lamps!
Thank you Rick, boy if I ever become a writer some day - I'll have a lot to say about the super thoughtful comments you always left on my essays.
That's seems like a very accurate and useful definition of courage actually.
When I read this, it’s like a demonstration of how to master an asana. With patience, presence and tuning in to what’s going on inside of you. A beautiful story, beautifully shared.
Although I do have some thoughts about your beverage of choice ... 😉
Thank you Eric, I appreciate this comment so much. I think of asana mastery in much the same way. And I think that's the reason my asana practice has been such a perfect allegory for life.
Thank you for your encouragement on this piece. Writing vulnerable essays always feels exhausting, and to find that folks like you have stopped by to say something thoughtful makes it less hard. :)
Wow. Such a powerful Piece Malavika. Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable story. It gave me goosebumps. The point of being present - its so powerful. I have been thinking myself - am I living my life as a distraction from the pain of uncontrollable stuff that destiny conferred upon me? When would I reconcile with life and agree to its gifts given to me, howsoever white-elephantish they seem to be.
Thank you Charu! I think about this a lot. Are we just numbing ourselves from the real stuff that we need to confront, hopping along from one distracting accomplishment to another, setting our sights on one shiny object after another? Writing forces us to reckon with the stuff we can otherwise coast through, though, in my experience at least.
Thanks for reading and for stopping to comment Charu. I appreciate you. <3
I teach a group of amateur radio operators, and one of them had asked about alcohol-free drinks, so I had been researching mocktails. I can relate to feeling uncomfortable without wearing a drink along with my clothes.